Some hope to grasp on to

I have been talking a lot lately.  Talking a lot about Mikai's disabilities and the steps that we have made to help him get to where he is.  When I discuss it out loud to someone it feels, false.  Like when I explained to my coworker the other day that Mikai likely has a neurological disorder and his disorder could be linked to gluten intolerance.  (This has yet to be diagnosed therein, my sense of falsifying information). This doesn't sound like my little boy.  But when I show videos of the slight progresses he has made, I realize - this is Mikai.  I love every little bit of Mikai, no ifs and or buts.  Sure, it's frustrating for me when I can't understand what he is trying to communicate - but I wouldn't change Mikai for the world.  He is the most loving, sensitive little boy that I know.

I have never been so proud of him as a Mom as when he stood up twice this week in front of a crowd of over 30 people with his companions and belted out Christmas songs.  No one could understand what they were saying most children in his class suffer from the similar issues, but they were so proud of themselves.  "I did it!!" Mikai cried out to me when it was all done.  I, of course, teared up, and giggled at the silliness of it all.

In another positive light, my husband has informed me that Mikai's teachers have noticed sounds coming out of Mikai's mouth they have never heard before.  I myself heard him say "ST" in Justin quite well which I was shocked at!  Is this a sign of him aging?  Is it a sign of his body ridding of toxins?? That's the hardest thing about being a parent.  As a chemist, I know that in a controlled environment you only change on part of the experiment to see how it affects the result.  As a human, this is impossible.  There is no way to only control one part of the "experiment", which is essentially what we are doing.  We are trying a gluten free diet.  It is hard to know if we make any difference at all in his ability to learn these things to help him sustain an independent life.

So this one was a little random - but in summary, I have realized that I am just a proud mom, of a wonderful little boy.